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Ritalee's Transgender Transition (From Male To Female)

My Personal feelings
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this is to discuss my very personal feelings

ok well tonights feelings is well my 11 year old niece made me up nicely with makeup so i wonder if i need facial surgery. i will ask my therapist as i am 26 and maybe i dont need it. :D

im also curiuous as if i should let my family have a section of this website to discuss there feelings on what im going thru under there perspective.

tonight i plan to make a couple letters out and mail em. thats about it and try to sleep as last night i didnt sleep worth beans.

also i been pondering things. like does therapy work or do i need to leave it

also pondering things my therapist said. i am confused allot however i do try to think about all of what she said often.

i will update this as i see fit or when i come back from my next therapists session.

allot happens when im there at my therapists office. sometimes my mind wonders and it isnt good.

also i feel sometimes i am still trying to find myself. kinda makes me wonder.

Update 4/17/05 at 10:13 pm pst

im sappose to do some emailing and some small work on ms money but im to tired as well as i dont want to do it and 2 of my friends on the net are ignoring me so im upset about that as well.

i got a few things on my mind i want to ask my therapist on. like for one for example i know she will be leaving the end of the year and personally i have grown attached and dont want to loose her.

call it friendship call it a need call it love call it whatever i am just worried big time. if she leaves i plan to leave as well but to give her a lil present to show how much i apprecciate her time and help.

there is other things i need to bring up to her and i dont know how so i hope she takes the url like i give her and reads this website.

you see since i get lonely. i pretend at home here that im a Admiral of the starship Voyager and im in the delta quadrant making secret weapons for the federation.

you see i go and like pretend im captain picard then i pretend im janeway and other startrek crew.

sometimes i pretend other stuff. like im a queen or empress.

not to bring it up but my therapist has a brother. and well he is like me not worst off yet im concerned as im worse off as i answer and pretend to be someone im not when my mother isnt home.

i also pretend and think and try to act how other people would say things, my mom,sister,nephew,best friends and that kinda keeps me quiet.

then there is the whole im scared of the dark bit and finally i sleep with a stuffed pikachu (pokemon) and a sleepy bear (from travelodge)

then under my pillow i have a blanket i have had since i was little. there like tights that i made into my binky. that bothers me as well. i know i have probloms its adressing them head on to make me a better person.

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