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Ok let me tell you my thoughts a lil bit on being disabled. it sucks big time. however the fact that more peeps (people) with
money and looks get the other or the person they want.
now im gonna say im the type if they have a good soul or a good heart and a awesome personality then let me tell you i
think that looks and body size shouldnt matter. not even if there a lil or a lot over weight.
now your wondering probally how many relationships i been in. well to be perfectly honest. 1 that was fiona. she was a
male to female transsexual as well.
now i have learned so much from my first relationships and my next one i get will be the one that will the 1 for all time
i hope.
now let me just say we all lie to a extent. me i tried and tried to not lie but at times i used it to cover my tracks
and that is one of my really bad demons i need to confront. if i didnt lie fiona would still be alive instead of commiting
suicide.
now my feelings is to a point. i have had these thoughts feeling since i was with fiona.
transgendered people. male to female and female to males.
some are lucky to be excepted by the oppiset sex or the same sex to have a relation.
i always wanted to try to be with only a woman (not transsexual)
let me tell you at times i wonder if i should just stay single and not look other times my sister keeps nagging me to
find another person like myself that was like fiona. a transgender and make a loving and happy lesbian relationship outta
it.
now i can say some transgenders (we are all different) prefur men some prefur woman and some prefur both and the last
perfur there own another transgendered.
well let me break it down easier for all of us.
some transgenders are male to female and like the following
1.they like woman (lesbian)
2.another transgendered (straight if its female to male in my books or lesbian if its another male to female in my books)
3.bisexual likes both men and woman and transgendered.
now for the female to male it goes like this in my books
1.men (gay)
2.straight (woman)
3.another transgender (again female to male would make em gay or straight if it was a male to female)
now your asking how does this all fit into this stupid mind of mind. let me tell you.
you see in my books unless you are not disabled and you have a home,car and money no one will want you.
let me exsplain how i base this (stupid theory off of it)
you see i tried marriage agencys after fiona died. i never told em i was transsexual but it didnt go well. most of them
didnt want me because of my disability. so i tried to take my life several times over it.
in my opinion and therory. unless your another transgender (most of the time in my book) we will be single so why try
for a guy who is born a guy or a girl thats born a girl.
in my exsperiance of dating agencys they all suck and a waste of money.
now mind you my theorys are also based on only my exsperiances and should only be seen as my exsperiences and thoughts
as you all are different.
now you can say im a pathetic looser. so many have i have excepted it.
i also excepted i wont be taken because of my probloms even if i have a heart of gold.
your wondering if there is more? (your probally a sleep half way on his page)
now there is. forum dating. i met fiona thru the old msn forum for trnasgendereds when we was online back then in 1998.
let me tell you. i dont trust meeting peeps (people) thru the net. i am very scared and i am mostly cloaked to it.
let me tell you a story. i know a girl who claims she is female to male if my memory serves me right or is bisexual. hmmmm
i cant remeber.
anyways she was trying to hook up with a guy on the forum i am at. let me tell you at the time i was dumb as a rock and
said to him. listen are you sure she is truthful as she hit on me and i proved it via pms.
recently she got on msn when one of my forum friends said he was talking to me.
she worries me. she is like Ritalee dont leave me i need you.
well when i screwed up on that i thought oh maybe there the one for me. but when i did something stupid one night from
drinking.
and she didnt want to talk to me so i tried to take my life.
im better now. so i think she is confused as i have tought peeps (people on the forum)
if your going to fall in love with the person you need to meet em first.
here is an example
when i was doing emails of a girl (1 in uzbekistan) i had plans to ditch this transgender thing and be normal and be with
this 1 girl.
well she said unless we meet we cannot say we loveeach other as well as we dont know if we will like each other. she has
made me relize it and i now pass that words of wisdom to all on the forum i go to.
now my therapist has seen the pic of the girl from uzbekistan and said she is cute. witch she is.
my thought is this. you may date who you choose when you choose. but i would hold off till you get thru the sexchange
unless its another transgender then date them all you want.
now for me the reason i complain is i live in the sticks. no bus and i cant drive because of my eyes. now you see why
i dont have anyone. however periodically i am allowed to hit on the local pub girls. :D ones a real hottie.
anyways if you made it this far from not sleeping i need to say congrads as this is done and i will go to the next project.
:D
Thanks for reading
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